Go!

I'm running.
Running.
running away.
From all the things I remember.
All the things I miss.
From laying in grass in the summertime,
to my first kiss.
I'm running.
Running.
Running away.
I'm ready to let it go.
Ready to let it sink in.
Lets do this.
On my mark.
Get set.
Go!

Between Two Worlds

I can walk forward. But I wont hear anything.
I can take a breath, and hear the mechanics of my body function.
It's silent.
Like a snowfall.
Just present enough to nip the tip of my nose,
and tops of my ears.

I walk backwards. Then I hear everything.
I blink, and watch the world around me shift.
It's boisterous.
Like being in the median.
Between rushes of bustling traffic.
I can't sit still.
Have to run.
Have to run.

To my Readers

This is a letter to all my readers. How ever many that my be.
To some, I haven't written in a while.
To others, I have burdened them with the power in my words.
But just in case you were wondering,
or in case you need something to read.
I'm doing okay.

I'm still going through troubles.
And some are quite hard.
Some I don't know how to get through.
Others,
I just don't want to get through.
It's just too hard.
Too painful,
and a lot to take.

But I'm going to get through.
Because the things in this world.
Are so worth it.
I am worth it.

I have people that love me
and I love them,
with all my heart.
They make me smile.
Real, Zoei smiles.

They make me feel important.
loved,
secure,
safe,
and so much more.

I'm a tad weepy.
A little bit sorrowful.
But with every tear that falls, I remember how much I've gone through.
What I've overcome.
What I'm capable of.

With every hot drop that rolls down my cheek.
I remember crying nights on end,
to no end.

I recall feeling in love.
Head over heals love.
Love that healed all my wounds,
just to be torn open
and to bleed again.
For a long time.

I bring up memories of making fake love.
Trying to force love.
But you can't force love.
That's silly.

But I'm a silly girl.
I make mistakes,
I blunder on.

So here's to more mistakes,
to more sorrow,
and more joy.
To reminding my self that I'm much more than my minds play toy.

Thank you...So much...

Zoei

Worry Free

Christmas tree oh christmas tree,
My day was all so worry free.
No gift of tears,
No gifts of woes,
I was full of joy,
Head to toe.
Christmas tree oh christmas tree,
my day was all so worry free.
:)

Okay

You can't escape.
Your heart is pounding.
It wants to leap out of your throat.
Your sweating,
crying.
eyes and nose streaming.
All your loved ones can do is look at you and stare because they're so frightened themselves.
The way your acting is horrible.
You feel as if your on fire,
inside a glass box.
Your trapped.
You pound on the glass.
Screaming,
running your fingernails down the pane
Just keep screaming.
The pain will go away.
Just keep screaming.
Fear can't last forever.

But now you're yelling.
Yes, there's a difference.
You're yelling because it's all their fault.
Not yours.
The idiocy of that person results in pain instilled in you.
So you yell.
You yell that you hate them.
Because internally, you do.
But mentally,
you still think that over.

Now you just cry.
Your throat to sore to scream, or yell.
Crying releases thoughts never meant to leave the brain,
but need to, because thoughts are never meant to stay in the mind for long.

You finally stop.
Stretched out like a limp rubber band.
To tired to sleep
to walk
to talk
to cry
to yell
to scream.
So you just lay in bed and hope that everything will be okay.

My Heavenly Prayer

Higher power
who is in heaven.
How I call your name.

I want to come,
But what I've done,
I think
will keep me from heaven.

Give me this day,
pure thoughts in my head.
Then forgive me my acts.
And please don't look down on me with disgust.

Why is your mortal creation,
saying what I feel is evil?
What in your kingdom,
under your power
keeps us from living forever?

Amen

That Feeling

You know that feeling the split second before you fall?
That moment of pure terror.
Because you don't quite know what's going on,
what's going to happen,
or how it's going to end.

You know that feeling when your heart aches?
When barbed wire wraps itself around your heart
squeezes,
and doesn't let go?

Do you know that feeling, when you know something bad is going to happen.
But you can't stop it?
With every fiber in you, you try to make it better,
but nothing happens.
There's nothing you can do.

Now imagine this,
all that fear,
pain,
and helplessness
crumpled up into one big ball of never ending insanity.

It's not fun.
It's not pleasant.
And no, I can not "just get over it."

This is what I feel every time I get scared,
see his face,
her face,
or disappoint someone.  

But that's okay.
People say,
it's just fear.