To my Readers

This is a letter to all my readers. How ever many that my be.
To some, I haven't written in a while.
To others, I have burdened them with the power in my words.
But just in case you were wondering,
or in case you need something to read.
I'm doing okay.

I'm still going through troubles.
And some are quite hard.
Some I don't know how to get through.
Others,
I just don't want to get through.
It's just too hard.
Too painful,
and a lot to take.

But I'm going to get through.
Because the things in this world.
Are so worth it.
I am worth it.

I have people that love me
and I love them,
with all my heart.
They make me smile.
Real, Zoei smiles.

They make me feel important.
loved,
secure,
safe,
and so much more.

I'm a tad weepy.
A little bit sorrowful.
But with every tear that falls, I remember how much I've gone through.
What I've overcome.
What I'm capable of.

With every hot drop that rolls down my cheek.
I remember crying nights on end,
to no end.

I recall feeling in love.
Head over heals love.
Love that healed all my wounds,
just to be torn open
and to bleed again.
For a long time.

I bring up memories of making fake love.
Trying to force love.
But you can't force love.
That's silly.

But I'm a silly girl.
I make mistakes,
I blunder on.

So here's to more mistakes,
to more sorrow,
and more joy.
To reminding my self that I'm much more than my minds play toy.

Thank you...So much...

Zoei

A Well Deserved Reply

We're never going to be the same.
Never.
Okay?
We are never, ever, going to be how we used to be.

Stop tempting me!
Do you know how much I wish it were true?
That I could have my best friend back?

You want to talk?
I gave you that chance months ago.

You're sorry?
Why didn't you say that when it happened?

You've been thinking of me?
Huh.
When you think of me,
do you cry?
Like I do, every time I think about you?

When you see me,
do you cringe?
And think about all the horrible things you've done?

When you hear my name,
do you even care?

Why is it now, you're coming back to me?
Do you expect to be fully forgiven?
Well don't.
What you did, I don't know if I'll ever forgive.
But a least don't expect it now.

How can I trust you?
You broke every promise you made to me.
You told me not to worry, because you would always be my best friend.

But what is always to you?
Is it kicking me to the curb?
Kicking me while I'm down?
And kicking me out of your life?

So now you want to talk to me.
You want me, to spend my time on you.
you want me, to give you a piece of my mind.
Well you can have it.

How could you
leave me,
talk to me,
and treat me like that?

Do you know how much it hurt me
mentally
physically
and emotionally?

That's right,
You don't know.
Because you left me for months.
You don't know.
How the first time I saw you, after it had all happened.
How I hurt myself.
And now a scar is all I have to remember you by.
Is that how you want to be remembered?
Not for all the joy you used to bring me,
but for the pain you washed it out with?

You are a
lying,
tempting,
hurtful,
oblivious,
ungrateful...

I'm sorry..
I've had these feelings bottled up for a while now.
I just wasn't strong enough to say them before.
Four months is a long time.
I've changed.
I've learned a lot.
I've got a job now,
friends who care,
and mentally, I'm doing really well.
But you don't need to know that.
You don't deserve to know that.

You don't even deserve my time.
So the last words I'll leave you with,
are
"Good Bye"