I've Been There

When I tell you I'm different,
I don't want your pity.
When I tell you my feelings,
I promise, it won't be pretty.

But you're surprised anyway,
or you don't even care.
Yes, I know.
Believe me, I've been there.

When I tell you I'm different
please, at least, react.
I know you don't want to be friends anymore,
your face only shows fact.

When I tell you my feelings.
It's okay,
I won't fall apart.
I'm just sending out emotion,
straight from my heart.

So you're still in shock,
or you don't even care.
Please don't go away,
believe me,
I've been there.

Someday

How long will this last?
This subsiding love.
How I can't hold on to a relationship
when push comes to shove?

I know he wasn't right.
The love wasn't true.
But something inside me
is feeling so blue.

I want to cry.
I want my tears to wash away my pain.
My heart it aches,
trying to heal from it's last sprain.

I know there's someone out there
waiting for me.
I know they'll be kind
you just wait and see.

They'll be caring,
considerate,
charming,
and calm.
There will be someone
to keep me out of harm.

We'll love each other fully
with nothing in the way.
That is what I'm hoping for,
someday.

Used To

The ultimate feeling of loneliness.
Proceeds to apply when the emptiness of your soul
echos with the helpless cries of your heart.

When you realize old connections are lost,
and new ones just aren't quite making the cut.

All you want is your best friend back.
Not necessarily the person them self,
but just the friendship you used to have.

New Love

Heartache is as fickle as the weather.

Some days it leaves you alone,

While other days it leaves you tethered 

to your oh so fragile heartstrings.

It creeps up and boils behind your eyes,

lingers in your soul,

and says no good bye's 

till you're strong enough to push it away.

But until then it'll haunt you. 

Strike when you're not expecting,

My dear, it will keep infecting.

You just need to let it go.

There are so many things in this life

you can use to put it out,

with heartache sprouts new love 

and there is no doubt

that this new love will be different.

But it'll treat you right.

You don't need to be frightened,

and you won't need to fight. 

Just be careful

and treat your heart with care.

This time it will all work out.

This to you, I swear. 

My Illness

My illness is not an illness.
My illness is me.
My illness is a silly something
most people do not see.

It hides behind my eyes,
lingers in my head.
It likes to pester me all day long.
But I pester it instead.

I don't hide myself from people.
when it calls me to my room.
I always fill my life with love.
When it beckons me to doom.

I drown it out with water
and a pill or two.
I also occupy my life
With various things to do.

I release my emotion through art work.
Through a painting or through verse.
If I neglect to do these things
my illness will get worse.

But I don't call it an illness
I think it's something more
It is part of my personality
and it has lots of things in store.

Little Ears

Waiting,
Listening.
Like a small child 'round the corner.

Sneaking,
Eavesdropping.
Secrets not meant for your ears.

Waiting,
Wanting.
To know more than you should.

Sneaking,
Shocked.
You've been caught.

Plip Plop

Plip plop
Drip drop

Listen to your tears.

Splish splash
A burning stash

Is hiding in your eyes.

Blink wink
you’ve turned on the sink.

Now let your secrets flow.

Plip plop
Drip drop

Let yourself know.

There’s nothing wrong with crying. 
No one is prying.
Just listen to your tears. 

Butterflies

They creep up and flutter in my stomach. 
They wander and swell.
I’m different
I’m happy
put under a spell.

They rise up
and stop in my neck.
I’m nervous
scared.
Oh what the heck.

They climb up to my mouth,
And make me smile.
This is why talking to you
is so worth my while.

Don't Shout

Ouch.
This hurts. 
Make it stop.

My heart is so heavy.
I think it might pop.

Every word, a bullet.
Shot to my chest.

I feel like a prisoner,
under arrest.

I breathe in.
I breathe out. 

There’s no point in screaming.
No point to shout. 

Just breathe in.
Just breathe out. 

Panic Attack

Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.
This is what goes through my head. 
Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.
It doesn’t stop. Wish it was dead. 
Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.
I saw your face.
Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.
My heart started to race.  
Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.My head started to pound.
Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Panic Attack.Get me out of this place. 

July 28, 2011

I’m calm as I lay in bed. 

Pillows soft beneath my head. 

I try to sleep with no prevail. 

My eyes wont shut, 

my thoughts go stale. 

Sixteen years of sleeping fine. 

This restless body,

isn’t mine. 

July 27, 2011

My head spins with thoughts. 

My heart beats with emotion. 

I wish I could keep the two in check. 

with having to go through the motions. 

Tap Tap Tap

Go the thoughts in my brain. 

They want to get out. 

I’m going insane. 

Take a deep breath,

let it all out. 

All these extra thoughts, 

I can really do without. 

July 26, 2011

I think I’m finally better. 

Finally secure.

Finally calm.

I’m thinking about myself now.

Thinking about how you treated me.

And how it was wrong. 

How my life was clouded with you. 

But now it’s crystal clear. 

I can live my life. 

without being suffocated by your fear. 

July 25, 2011

As I try and lull myself to sleep, I lay in fear. Fear of my dreams.They are fantasies

that tease and torture my beaten and bruised heart.

I can’t stop them. I can’t stop the visions of us being together again. 

Or the phantasms of me, yelling and screaming at you. Reciting the long list of pain my heart has experienced. 

But at the same time. I like them, need them, want them. 

Because no matter how heartbroken I am. I still miss my lost friend. I still want to see you. Hug you, and just be with you. 

And these dreams give me that unreal feeling, 

that you’re here,

and that you want me. 

July 24, 2011

I think I’m finally starting to heal. 

My heart still aches. 

Because I’ve lost someone dear. 

But I’ve sopped crying. 

Stopped waiting. 

I know you won’t come after me. 

Because that’s just the kind of person you are. 

But it still hurts to think,

that you would sink so low as to only say “I’m sorry” 

once. 

When I made you say it. 

A Safe Place?

I should never want to sleep again. My 

dreams

cause me so much pain. I

should 

want to stay way from my bed. It’s warm appearance of loving shelter lures me in. But because of all the agony I receive from these fantasies. It will now  

be

a place of suffering. But at the same time, I long for these dreams. Or nightmares of sorts. Because they bring me to you, and my heart aches for you

a 

misery that wants what it should not have. How can I stay

safe 

when I love you so much? When will I finally learn to keep my heart in a safe

place?

July 21, 2011

I’m sick of dreams I can not control. 

Sick, of the dreams that torture my soul.

Theses dreams are haunting, and show no remorse.

I want to kill them, find the source. 

But the source, of course. 

Is me. 

Did You Ever Really Care?

What if I told you I

did 

nothing but cry. Would you say your sorry? Would

you 

even try? What if I told you that I have never

ever 

felt this hurt before. Was it me, or was it you, who

really

started this war? I have no tears left. None to spare. Did you ever know how much I really did 

care?

Rips, Cuts, and Creases

Maybe this feeling of huger

can out-weight my feeling of pain.

It feels as if all my hope

is going down the drain.

All I want to do is sleep.

Don’t want to move

eat

or smile.

They say that heartache can only stay for a while.

But do I believe that?

No.

It cannot be true.

How on earth could a feeling this blue,

just go away?

They say it just takes time.

Ha!

I laugh at that phrase.

I gave him time.

Weeks,

months,

days and days.

How can someone I love so much.

Leave me here in pain?

I love him with my whole heart.

And I still love him now.

How?

How can I love someone who’s played with my heart?

Torn it to pieces?

And left nothing but rips, cuts, and creases?

I’m still not sure myself.

And I am starting to doubt.

But I love him none the less.

Because that’s what friendship is all about.