Worry Free

Christmas tree oh christmas tree,
My day was all so worry free.
No gift of tears,
No gifts of woes,
I was full of joy,
Head to toe.
Christmas tree oh christmas tree,
my day was all so worry free.
:)

Okay

You can't escape.
Your heart is pounding.
It wants to leap out of your throat.
Your sweating,
crying.
eyes and nose streaming.
All your loved ones can do is look at you and stare because they're so frightened themselves.
The way your acting is horrible.
You feel as if your on fire,
inside a glass box.
Your trapped.
You pound on the glass.
Screaming,
running your fingernails down the pane
Just keep screaming.
The pain will go away.
Just keep screaming.
Fear can't last forever.

But now you're yelling.
Yes, there's a difference.
You're yelling because it's all their fault.
Not yours.
The idiocy of that person results in pain instilled in you.
So you yell.
You yell that you hate them.
Because internally, you do.
But mentally,
you still think that over.

Now you just cry.
Your throat to sore to scream, or yell.
Crying releases thoughts never meant to leave the brain,
but need to, because thoughts are never meant to stay in the mind for long.

You finally stop.
Stretched out like a limp rubber band.
To tired to sleep
to walk
to talk
to cry
to yell
to scream.
So you just lay in bed and hope that everything will be okay.

My Heavenly Prayer

Higher power
who is in heaven.
How I call your name.

I want to come,
But what I've done,
I think
will keep me from heaven.

Give me this day,
pure thoughts in my head.
Then forgive me my acts.
And please don't look down on me with disgust.

Why is your mortal creation,
saying what I feel is evil?
What in your kingdom,
under your power
keeps us from living forever?

Amen

That Feeling

You know that feeling the split second before you fall?
That moment of pure terror.
Because you don't quite know what's going on,
what's going to happen,
or how it's going to end.

You know that feeling when your heart aches?
When barbed wire wraps itself around your heart
squeezes,
and doesn't let go?

Do you know that feeling, when you know something bad is going to happen.
But you can't stop it?
With every fiber in you, you try to make it better,
but nothing happens.
There's nothing you can do.

Now imagine this,
all that fear,
pain,
and helplessness
crumpled up into one big ball of never ending insanity.

It's not fun.
It's not pleasant.
And no, I can not "just get over it."

This is what I feel every time I get scared,
see his face,
her face,
or disappoint someone.  

But that's okay.
People say,
it's just fear.

Retain It.

Have you ever felt so lost in the world?
Like you just go day by day, just trying to find who you really are?
But everything is already laid out for you.
People already "know" who you are,
they've defined you.
categorized you into your own little box,
covered the top and labeled it with your name.
Your name.
Not theirs.
You can try to break free,
but is the struggle worth it?
It is worth everyone worrying.
Trying to force you back into that box.
The box with no windows,
and no room to breathe?
Is it worth the scathing comments?
Words never meant to leave the mind.

Because you're too young to really know who really are.
Too young to make choices.
Too little.
Minuscule,
insignificant,
worthless.

It's so easy isn't it?
So easy to tear yourself down,
to throw yourself on the floor,
and just lay there.
Swimming in self-pity and regret.

You're not sure what to say, do, or feel.
You just know that these feelings,
scare the hell out of you.
And if you don't release them soon,
they'll eat you from the inside out.
Then nothing will be left except old apologies, and new fears.

So to break the box or retain it.
To lose the label or keep it.
Let your feelings devour you,
or let them go.
Just whatever you do,
don't look back.

When It's All Said and Done

You pull me close ,
and hold me tight.
I feel like everything will be alright.
You shift your feet,
we start to dance.
I think I'll give love a second chance.

I love you,
can't you see?
This is how love feels to me.

You lean in and kiss me sweet.
Whisper things soft and discrete.
My heart is pounding,
my love for you resounding as I say:

I love you,
can't you see?
This is what love means to me.

Your hands slide.
Our lips collide.
Something doesn't feel quite right.

I love you,
can't you see?
But what is love supposed to be?

Is it your hands on my thighs
as my soul silently cries
against your moaning sighs?
As if I'm just some sort of prize?
My joy slowly dies
as I tire from my tries
to keep your body at bay.

I love you,
Why don't you see?
What have you done to me?

When it's all said and done
and you've had all your fun
all I want to do is run
but instead,
you jump the gun.
"I'm sorry."
You say.
With so much regret.
But really,
how am I supposed to forget?
The way that you touched me
and moaned my name
the way I look at you will never be the same.
As I open my mouth
Words start to fall
"I forgive you" I say,
and that was all.

I loved you,
why couldn't I see?
That our love was never meant to be.

Bound by You

I finally did it.
I stood my ground.
You were controlling,
you were pushing me around.
You messed with my feelings.
But now,
I'm no longer bound.